A divorce is one of life's most significant experiences. Suddenly, you're faced with questions you never wanted to ask yourself: What happens to the house? How much maintenance am I entitled to? And who gets custody?
In my practice as a lawyer, I see daily that clients are unsure in this situation – and that's completely normal. That's precisely why I've written this guide: so that you know the most important points, before You will make expensive mistakes.
The separation year is mandatory — but there are exceptions
Many believe that one can simply get divorced if both parties agree. Unfortunately, it's not that simple: according to § 1566 BGB, you must first have lived separately for at least one year. The so-called Separation year shall ensure that the marriage has truly failed.
What does „living apart“ actually mean?
You don't necessarily have to live in different flats. Even a Separation within the shared flat is recognised – but only if you are actually living separately. This means:
- Separate bedrooms
- No shared cooking, washing or shopping for each other
- Separate finances (as far as possible)
- No shared leisure activities as a couple
Practical tip: Document the start of the separation in writing – for example, in a letter to your partner or a brief email. This will save arguments later about the exact date of separation.
In particularly difficult circumstances — such as domestic violence or if your partner has committed a serious criminal offence — the separation year can exceptionally be waived. However, such cases are rare in practice and must be well-founded.
2. Divorce costs: What to expect
The question of the Cost of a divorce I hear in almost every initial consultation. The answer depends primarily on one factor: the Process value.
The value of proceedings is calculated from the joint net income of both spouses (three monthly salaries) plus a share of the assets. This then determines the court and legal fees according to the Lawyers' Fees Act (RVG).
A calculation example:
| The post office | Divorce by mutual consent | Contested divorce |
|---|---|---|
| Process value (example) | 12.000 € | 25.000 € |
| Court costs | Approx. €300 | Approx. 550 € |
| Legal fees (a solicitor) | Appr. 1,500 € | Approx. £2,500 per solicitor |
| Total cost (approx.) | €1,800 – €2,500 | 5,000 – 8,000 €+ |
Important to know: In an amicable divorce, it is sufficient for only one spouse to engage a solicitor. This can save considerable costs. Furthermore, those with low incomes can Legal aid Anspruch auf staatliche Unterstützung, die Anwalts- und Gerichtskosten ganz oder teilweise übernimmt.
3. Maintenance: Who pays how much — and for how long?
When it comes to maintenance payments, there is often a lot of uncertainty. Generally, there are three types:
Separation maintenance
From the point of separation until the divorce is legally binding, the economically weaker partner Separation maintenance desire. The calculation is based on the income of both partners.
Post-nuptial maintenance
Upon divorce, there is generally nothing Automatic maintenance entitlement. The legislator expects each spouse to provide for themselves. Exceptions apply, among others, in cases of:
- Childcare Anyone bringing up children together is entitled to child maintenance.
- Age or illness If employment is unreasonable
- Disadvantages of marriage: If one partner has given up their career for the sake of the marriage
Child support
The parent with whom the children do not primarily live, pays Child support. The height depends on the Düsseldorf Table, which is updated annually. The net income of the liable person and the age of the children are crucial factors.
From practice: Many clients are unaware that child maintenance takes priority over spousal maintenance. This means that children are provided for first, and then it is assessed whether there is still the capacity to pay spousal maintenance.
4. Parental custody: What applies after separation?
Custody is the most emotional issue for most parents during a separation. Here are the most important principles:
Joint custody remains in place. A separation or divorce initially changes nothing regarding joint custody. Both parents continue to make important decisions for the child together – such as regarding school choice, medical treatment, or religious upbringing.
Sole custody only in exceptional cases. Sole custody is only considered if the child's welfare is at risk or if the parents can no longer communicate with each other at all. The hurdles for this are deliberately high.
Right of custody and right of access
Often, it is not the entire custody, but only the Custody and child residency rights applied for. It regulates which parent the child lives with. The other parent retains their right of access – the right to regular contact with the child.
The alternating model as an alternative
Increasingly, parents are opting for the Shared custody arrangement (also called joint custody): The child lives alternately with both parents, for example, week by week. The prerequisites are that both parents live in close proximity and can communicate well with each other.
5. Asset allocation and equalization of accrued gains
Unless otherwise agreed (for example, through a prenuptial agreement), most married couples live in a Community of accrued gains. This means that during the marriage, assets remain separate, but in the event of a divorce, the Gain balanced.
This is how the equalization of surplus is implemented:
- The wealth of each spouse is assessed at two points in time: at the time of marriage and on the service of the divorce petition.
- The difference results in the respective gain
- The partner with the greater increase in assets pays the other half of the difference.
| Asset type | What to look out for |
|---|---|
| property | Obtain a property valuation, deduct the outstanding debt |
| Bank balance | The deadline is the serving of the divorce petition |
| Life insurance | Redemption value as of the cut-off date is decisive |
| Business assets | Company valuation by expert recommended |
| Debts | Deducted from the capital gain — can also be negative |
Warning: Asset transfers after separation – such as quickly spending savings – can be taken into account by the court. Play fair here; it will pay off in the long run.
Bonus tip: A mutual separation saves money and hassle
From my experience as a lawyer, I can tell you one thing with certainty: an amicable divorce is almost always the better choice. Not just financially – but also emotionally, and most importantly, for the children.
What you can do:
- Try to a Divorce settlement agreement to meet (maintenance, assets, custody)
- Seek advice early — ideally before positions have hardened
- Pull Mediation into consideration when communication becomes difficult
- Think of the children: An amicable separation is the best gift you can give them
Frequently Asked Questions about Divorce
How long does a divorce take in Germany?
Do I absolutely need a solicitor for a divorce?
What happens to the shared flat when you separate?
Can I exclude the pension splitting?
What does an initial consultation with a lawyer cost?
What documents do I need for a divorce?
Next steps
Are you facing divorce and don't know where to begin? First, get an overview of the Cost and find out about your rights. On my page about Family law find more information about my consultation.
If you have questions about Employment Law, Inheritance law or Traffic law have, I am also happy to help you.
This article is intended to provide general information and does not replace individual legal advice. For an assessment of your specific case, please arrange a consultation with lawyer Martin Reichelt.
